Christmas 2011

This Christmas season started early for me, I think it is because the snow comes early and the nights are darker, whatever it was I felt our little growing family needed Christmas magic sooner than later...it has been an amazing two months...tonight was a beautiful night.  We started Christmas magic early around 4:30pm I made the kids dinner (Poppa was sleeping he had a driving head-ache ???) and we lite candles (always a delight, but I am always having to tell them not to touch, I guess this is what millions of mothers have to do) the kids were excited, loud, good, silly we had a little testimony meeting and then the kids got ready for an imprompt to nativity with towels and dresses, we had a fire going as well, Ellice loves fire and lighting it, she was adorable in her bath robe...(right now Ellice and Maria are having a sewing date together, but they didn't want to share the sewing machine and so they borrowed Aunty Bear's from down-stairs and set up a station in the living room)  (I love seeing them do stuff together, that is the nice thing about not having cousins around sometimes is seeing them play together, like yesterday we went swimming and they played and played, they usually bicker and tell-on during the day but the times they decide to work together and have fun they get along so well...it is a constant struggle to see them not getting along and wears on me, I just want total peace in the home...like they don't yell or hurt each other about 99% but they tell on bug and bicker....I want to help them overcome this so bad...the twins get along so well and spend many hours playing...even when I hear them bugging each other they go from crying to laughing so quickly that I usually don't have to solve it....maybe I should let Maria and Ellice try to solve it instead of me jumping on every disagreement...) anyways, Poppa woke up we were the holy couple, Grace was our baby, she was so cute and persistant...I love her so much...I was watching her today, her little legs crossed, her darling face and sparkling eyes and her non-stop chatter, she is so loud but so so so so so cute, I feel she is my ray of heaven I am so glad she still seems young...she reacted not nice tonight to her sis something like, "Don't do that Esther!!!!!" I was like "Grace" quick as lightning she says in this super sweet quiet voice, "I love you!" She has big spazzes, I make her sit on my lap and count to ten, this usually takes awhile as she spazzes and does not want to count CALMLY, then we talk about it and she does a little consequence and says, "sorry famly for spazzin!"  Oh, she is adorable...the twins are just spending time with Sannie...they were singing and playing together, I know they are going to have a hard time sleeping but they are so cute at night, sannie loves singing with them...tonight during our nativity pagneant Sannie was so silly he seems like my 6 child sometimes, unless he is charge I think he has ADD and becomes a pill...I love him so much though!!!  We did a cute nativity then ate food from Bethlehem and had hot apple cider....things are crazy, fun, loud, sweet, kind, laughing crying this is the greatest life ever....we also went to Fairmont for a week with the Pederson's and Proffitt's it was so fun and every morning we had challenges with our eldest two...but I woke  up early almost EVERY day and studied the Gospel it was AWESOME!!!!  I love spending time with the Lord and need Him so much as a mother....I am still so nervous about having another baby, like getting sick....most days I will my plate is way full with just the five I have.. I constantly struggle with keeping the house clean, preparing healthy meals, being organized, solving, consequencing, teaching the girls and trying to teach them the Gospel and school, well school is the most unstructured...basically they have to do personal scripture study, violin and math/reading sometimes writing...I REALLY need to get them doing more and learning more....every morning we have to have a class with Ellice to help her get on the path and to teach her the Gospel, depending on her mood sometimes it takes a long time to get her happy and going along with the system that is why it is hard in the mornings you really need two parents...sannie is really really good with her and helping out...Maria also has her struggles with anxiety, telling-on and other stuff...But you know Ellice trying really hard and accepting the atonement and trying to follow Jesus....she is making HUGE HUGE steps on becoming a humbler follower of Jesus and I can see her and Poppa and I becoming best-friends, once she can learn to put aside her pride and defiance and fully accept Jesus and our authority and respect us her life will be so much happier and she will be-able to shine...sometimes like yesterday I felt seriously overwhelmed with her defiance and also the WAY I handle her, I know that many times I handle her WRONG because it is like we bash heads here's an example..."come here please" she doesn't come "okay you didn't come so now you earned this....and this.....and this" she might just keep on talking back...what I should say "hey Ellice I need you to go to your room please"
 then go in there after she cools down...still defiant "okay I can see you aren't ready to be humble so when you are ready to talk and pray call me in..."
"okay great it looks like you are ready to talk, I need your eyes cause your eyes always tell me if you are ready..."
"whose team am I on?  Whose team are you on?"
connect the dots...
you are doing so good.....remember what we learned about this morning I need you to remember that...I can see you are humble, I will leave you to say your prayer and as soon as you are ready to come out and add to the Spirit of our family you can...

IT IS CONSTANT work with our two older girls, but I believe and hope an effectual struggle is still to be made, and as we hold out faithful and diligent with them they will get it...we truly are giving it a lot with our girls but we can be so so so much better...
BUT it takes up many hours of talking searching praying studying and even crying to know how to parent her esp. I compare myself so much to this lady called Michelle Duggar she is this famous Christian lady who has like 19 kids and they are so GOOD amazing, I need to learn how she teaches her kids to behave and follow Jesus,,,,it isn't even so much about behaving it is all about submitting your will to God and that means to righteous parents, Sannie and I I would honestly say are trying to be righteous, we strive continually for PEACE and want to have fun and joy with our kids, we want desperately for our children to serve the Lord and reach out to those in need, develop their talents and fulfill their individual missions and be the best mothers in the world...when will they get it I don't know but parenthood is NOT a piece of cake, but I love it and I am so grateful for the younger three that so far are really easy going.  I have felt the Spirit so much about having another baby so that means Heavenly Father knows something I don't, but He must know that I will be able to handle another child even with our struggles with some of our children....I love them all so much though...and I am grateful for the Christmas magic that has come into our home, I felt the Spirit tonight about Jesus and another time as we went carolling, I love Jesus and thank Him for everything!!!!  I love you!!